WHO AM I REALLY? HOW HUMAN DESIGN HELPED ME MAKE SENSE OF MYSELF!

How Human Design helped me realise it's ok to be me!

For most of my life, I measured myself against a fairly generic yardstick: be consistent, be patient, follow the steps, stop procrastinating on certain tasks, don't take too long to decide, choose one career and stick at it, don't change your mind too often. (An ex-boyfriend once said that I change my mind more than I change my knickers!)

In adult life I felt a lot of shame for wanting to quit and change my first business as a salon owner after growing the business for 16 years. Why couldn't I just be happy doing one thing? In the past few years, whilst running my business as a hypnotherapist, I've tried several times in response to various business coaching and programs to "niche down" to one type of client or issue that I solve. Each time I've followed the advice and done that, I've felt so boxed in! It's just felt uncomfortable, limiting and doesn't feel right.

Discovering Human Design changed what I think about all of the above. Now I know that I have the energy type of what's called a Manifesting Generator. This means I am meant to be multi-passionate, multi-faceted, and my life journey is non-linear — I am meant to pivot often and am certainly not meant to stick to one lane. This discovery made so much sense to me. I just want to help a variety of clients with a variety of issues, and use different techniques too. I love variety, and that is okay — it's not flaky, as I used to believe! Wow, what a relief.

And this was just one area of my life that I finally understood and accepted fully, knowing why I was like this and that my energy was simply built this way. There were so many other realisations, and the relief I felt over a few of them was massive. As people often say about Human Design: when you know your chart, there are so many moments where you just think, "Wow, I finally understand. I feel really seen. It's good to be me — the true me."

So what is this amazing system?

Human Design is a self-awareness tool that blends several ancient and modern bodies of knowledge, including:

• Genetics

• Astrology

• The Tree of Life (Kabbalah)

• The Chakra system

• The I Ching

• Quantum physics

  
  

Woven together, these give you a kind of unique energetic blueprint — a map of how you're actually wired to operate. Your personal chart shows you how you best use your energy, how to make choices that align with your true self, how you digest food, the environments you thrive in, how you sleep best, and how you naturally learn and stay motivated. Just as importantly, it points you toward the gifts you're here to share, and gives you language for the challenges you're here to navigate.

There are five energy types — Manifestors, Generators, Manifesting Generators, Projectors, and Reflectors — and each one tends to feel a particular way when out of alignment with your true nature, and a particular way when living true to your design. Think of these as an internal signpost system: uncomfortable feelings that tell you when you've drifted off course, and good feelings that tell you when you're right on track.

Why we sometimes lose touch with who we really are

One of the most useful ideas in Human Design is something called conditioning. Conditioning is all the messages, habits, beliefs, and ways of being we've picked up along the way — from society, family, school, past relationships — about how we "should" be, think, or feel. Often these messages have nothing to do with what's naturally aligned with our actual design.

De-conditioning, then, is the process of becoming aware of the patterns that have resulted in this conditioning, where & when we've picked up these messages, and gently choosing something more aligned with who we really are instead. A lot of what follows in this post is really me de-conditioning, piece by piece.

The things I finally understood about myself

The more I explored my own chart, the more things that used to feel like flaws started to look like features.

Why I don't need to pick just one lane

I realised I don't have to pick a niche, and I don't have to put myself in a box. I'd spent years trying to be one "type" of person, particularly in my career and business — consistent, linear, predictable, sticking to one lane — because that's what seemed to be rewarded. Human Design gave me permission to be exactly as multifaceted as I am. I'm not meant to follow one career path my whole life.

Why forcing things never works for me

I don't have to force things to happen. So much of my energy used to go into pushing, and getting frustrated when things didn't work out as I wanted them to. Learning to recognise when I was forcing versus when I was flowing changed how I work, and honestly, how I rest.

Why my experiences were never really failures

My failures aren't actually failures. They're lessons, information, and guidance — material I get to share with other people walking a similar path. Reframing them this way took the sting out of looking back, and stopped me thinking I'd wasted time trying things that hadn't worked.

Why I move fast (and why that's not a flaw)

My impatience is part of my make-up. When I'm not aligned with my design, that impatience shows up loudest. Manifesting Generators are quick — we move fast and see the efficient shortcut before anyone else does. (It's actually painful for me to wait for things and people sometimes, but I've learnt that everyone is different and moves at different speeds.) My energy type can also skip steps — there's that impatience and need for speed again — and we sometimes need to circle back and correct mistakes along the way. It's been fascinating to see this play out at home too: my Generator partner genuinely likes to go step by step, reading the instruction manual cover to cover, while I can't bear to. For years I thought one of us was doing it "wrong." Now I just see two different operating systems, both working exactly as designed.

Why some parts of us feel consistent, and others don't

Before I go further, it helps to explain one more concept: in a Human Design chart, you have nine "centres," and each one is either coloured in (defined) or left white (undefined/open). A defined centre is an area where you have fairly consistent, reliable access to that particular energy — it's a steady part of who you are. An undefined or open centre is an area where the energy is more changeable, and where you're more likely to pick up conditioning from the people and environments around you, because you're absorbing and amplifying whatever's out there rather than generating something consistent of your own.

This idea shows up again and again in my own chart, so I'll explain it as it comes up.

Why my moods and emotions can fluctuate

This is where my solar plexus centre comes in. When this centre is defined (coloured in), it means you'll experience fluctuating emotions throughout the day — genuine emotional waves, like an escalator or elevator, where your mood can rise or drop, sometimes for a clear reason and sometimes seemingly out of nowhere. When it's undefined, people tend to wake up with roughly the same steady, calm base mood most days, and their emotions shift more in response to the people and environments around them.

I, on the contrary don’t have that steady baseline. I sometimes wake up in a melancholy or low mood, and other times I wake up feeling genuinely high and happy. For a long time I assumed everyone felt this way, so I was amazed to learn that people with an undefined solar plexus generally wake up in more or less the same mood each day. Also during the day I'd notice myself go from feeling really high to a sudden, sharp drop into a low mood, and honestly, there were times I wondered if I had depression, because the shift could feel so abrupt. Sometimes that drop was linked to an expectation not being met; other times it genuinely seemed to come out of nowhere.

Learning that I have what's called a collective emotional wave — a wave that tends to build, build, build, then crash down before slowly beginning to build again — gave me real language for what I was experiencing. For years I searched for a reason behind every dip. Now I understand it as a wave I'm designed to move through, not a problem I need to solve or a mood I need to justify. I’m just moody and that’s that!

Why I feel pressure to tick off my to-do list before I can rest

I used to feel a constant, low hum of urgency — that need to complete my to-do list before I could let myself rest. This comes from my undefined root centre, which is all about pressure and how we handle stress. Seeing this named helped me stop treating it as a personal failing, and start treating it as a sensation I can notice and choose not to be driven by. After all the to-do list is never really empty and I am able to recognize this and relax a bit more.

Why certain tasks leave me completely drained

Every energy type has a "signature theme" — the feeling you tend to have when you're in alignment — and what Human Design calls a "not-self theme," the feeling you tend to have when you're out of alignment, more in your shadow, or acting from conditioning rather than your true design. For Manifesting Generators, that not-self theme is frustration. Understanding this helped me recognise why certain tasks left me feeling completely irritated and drained, even when they seemed simple on paper. It wasn't laziness or lack of discipline that I’m not good at certain things — it was a sign I was doing things that drain my energy and was out of alignment with how I'm actually designed to operate.

Why I'm meant to follow my passions, not just one path

Human Design gave me something I didn't know I needed: explicit permission to pivot. To change course, change my mind, change direction — without treating it as flakiness or failure. Manifesting Generators are designed to follow their interests and passions as much as possible. Obviously, we all still have to do some things we don't enjoy in life, but it's about minimising the actions that drain us and maximising the things that light us up. This applies to everyone to some extent, but with my particular energy type, we're meant to do a variety of things — which we often end up bringing together in a very unique way that works for us. I also learnt the term ‘skill stacking’, where we pick up various and often diverse skills from different experiences in life and tend to utilise them all either bring them together or use them in different ways simultaneously.

Why I don't fit in everywhere — and that's fine

My G centre — the identity centre — is defined in my chart, which helps explain why I simply don't fit with certain people or environments, no matter how hard I try. Because this centre is coloured in, I have a consistent, fairly fixed sense of identity and direction, and it makes it harder for me to blend into groups or paths that don't genuinely align with who I am. It's not a character flaw; it's a compatibility issue, and now I know to stop forcing it.

Where my ideas actually come from

I've always found ideas and inspirations out in the world rather than sitting down and trying to summon them. A conversation, a walk, a moment while I'm doing a massage or reflexology treatment, or a random comment from someone — and suddenly I have a new idea or direction. I used to think that meant I couldn't come up with things on my own. Understanding that I have an open (undefined) head centre explained it perfectly: rather than generating ideas from a constant internal source, I'm designed to receive inspiration from the world around me. It's not a lack of originality — it's exactly how my head centre is built to work.

My inbuilt sense of safety

I have a defined spleen centre, which means I have consistent access to an intuition around safety, fears, survival, and health. I'm genuinely thankful for this. I can remember a couple of occasions where I knew, instantly and without needing to think it through, exactly what to do to keep myself and the people around me safe in that moment. One that stands out: I was out with a friend when a fight broke out nearby in a bar. Before I'd even consciously registered why, I just knew we needed to leave, right then. I've also had moments where a particular situation, or even just a person, felt subtly "off" — nothing I could point to logically — and I've persuaded a friend to come away with me as quickly as possible, no real explanation given. Knowing this is a reliable, built-in part of my design — not luck, not coincidence — has made me trust that instinct so much more.

Turning doubt into better questions

One of my main gifts is using inquiry to get to the truth, rather than simply accepting things as fact. In the higher expression of this, I ask myself and other people the right questions, instead of defaulting to scepticism about others or about whether things will work out. In the lower expression, that same gift can tip into self-doubt and cynicism about the world around me.

I notice this pattern often: I'll make a decision and it feels completely right — and then, sometimes, a doubt will quietly creep in afterwards. Understanding this has been genuinely useful. I now know this may happen, and instead of spiralling into it, I've learnt to accept that the doubt has arrived and simply ask myself questions about it. More often than not, the questions reveal the doubt was unfounded — but even when they don't, the process of asking always leads me closer to the truth, which is the higher expression of this gift. That one shift, doubt into inquiry, has made a real difference.

The personality traits behind my profile

Alongside your energy type, Human Design gives you a "profile" — made up of two numbers, each representing a line. There are twelve possible combinations in total, and each one carries its own set of personality traits.

My profile is 3/5, and understanding it in plain terms has been one of the most clarifying parts of this whole process.

The 3 is the experimenter. Things don't always work out, and that's the point — those moments were never failures, they're lessons I get to take forward, learn from, and eventually share with others. Trial and error isn't a flaw in my process; it is my process.

The 5 is the natural problem solver — someone who likes to find practical solutions for people and situations. But the 5 also tends to get projected upon. People can expect a lot from a 5, and it's important for me to be clear about who I can help and how, because people can be disappointed when I don't help, or when the help I offer looks different from what they expected. Learning this took the pressure off — I don't have to be everyone's answer to everything.

Responding vs forcing: my strategy for opportunities

Every energy type in Human Design has a "strategy" — the way that type is designed to best make the most of opportunities and life. For me, this comes down to responding. It's the difference between having an idea and then forcing or pushing to make it happen, versus actually waiting and allowing the right opportunities to come to me, and responding when they do.

My first business is the clearest example of this in action. It came about because when I was working in a day spa in London as a beauty therapist, one of my clients happened to mention a beauty room in a hairdressers was available just around the corner. I took it. Until then I’d always known I wanted my own business but the opportunity came at just the right time for me. This was my first taste of working for myself and although this premises wasn’t busy enough in the end I knew that I wanted to continue to do my own thing and so I started working from my spare room at home. When I wanted to expand I noticed a shop available for lease nearby — so I moved there. Then a larger space opened up right next door, so I moved again.

None of it was five-year-planned. It was responsive, built through trial, error, and things simply showing up and being responded to.

The same pattern shows up everywhere: Being super-interested in personal development I did an NLP course in my early twenties. One of the other students was a hypnotherapist and she mentioned, almost in passing, that I'd be good at hypnotherapy — my voice, my presence. Later, when I sold my salon, I thought now is the time, so I trained in hypnotherapy and absolutely love this work.

And writing a book wasn't a grand ambition I set out chasing; I watched my mum write hers, and that was the spark that got me started.

Understanding my strategy retrospectively has been like finally reading the instructions for a life I'd already been living. I was responding exactly as I was designed to but I wasn’t really aware of this!

However, I didn't fully realise this until recently, when I tried to push a couple of different offers forward in my business and they just didn't resonate — they didn't get the response I was hoping for. And even I didn’t enjoy the whole narrowing down process as I’ve already mentioned! The result for me was frustration, my not-self theme, which is always a sign that I'm not acting from my strategy.

Even with where I want to live, my partner and I have been actively looking at different areas to move to. We’ve been reading up on areas around London whereby we could both commute in when we need to, going on days out in different areas: Surry, Essex, Berkshire and most recently Brighton. Nothing has been feeling right and whilst we love Brighton when we got back to our cosy corner of South East London we looked at each other and said: “We’re home.” I realise we are either not ready or trying to push and force this big change, so for now we’ve agreed to stay where we are and just enjoy it. My partner’s strategy as a Generator energy type is also to respond, rather than initiate and push, so we’re both aligned here.

Also now that I know about Human Design and my strategy, I am recalling how I moved here nearly 30 years ago. I was in a rented flat share with a friend over in East London. My Grandma had died previously and I received an inheritance that I wanted to put towards buying a property. I was already priced-out of Ealing which was the first area I lived in and loved, when I moved to London. I just happened to read an article about East Dulwich (the area I live in now) and how it was still affordable at the time and quite a cool up and coming place. I drove down and looked at the area and a couple of properties. The flat we live in now was the second property I looked at and I just knew that this was my place!

What I've truly gained

At its heart, this is what Human Design has given me: the ability to know, understand, accept, and appreciate myself and how life can flow (just like the examples above) when you are in alignment with your true nature and how you are meant to function in the world.   

Its also created more harmony, peace, and the confidence and permission to be my full self, without apology.

It's helped me understand my challenges alongside my gifts, talents, and qualities — how my energy actually works, and how I make the right decisions to thrive in my own life, not someone else's version of it.

More than anything, it's taught me self-compassion, appreciation, and acceptance and when you practice this for yourself, you can more easily extend these towards the people around you. Human Design invites us to celebrate our individuality. It also asks us to honour everyone else's individuality in the same way — understanding that the whole world is made up of distinct people, and that our differences are exactly what make us strong, together. We all bring something valuable to the table.

That's true belonging: not fitting into someone else's mould, but standing fully in your own truth, in the real essence of who you are. We are all different, and we are all of equal value.

Ultimately, Human Design has helped me align with flow — with the moments where things are easeful and naturally work out — while still learning everything I need to from the moments of friction along the way. Things are definitely not perfect and I still find myself in my ‘not-self theme’ of frustration often. But I can often remember to use this as knowledge that I am veering off track, rather than something being wrong.

What about you?

If you've ever felt like you were failing at being a "normal" version of a person, I'd gently suggest: maybe you were just using someone else's instruction manual. Yours will be totally different, and that's okay!

What Human Design has given me is peace and an appreciation of my uniqueness — and you can have this too!

Studying to become a Human Design Reader & Guide

In true Manifesting Generator style I am following my interest and am now training in this modality with author and Human Design expert Leah McCloud. She has a program called Human Design Mastery and has written the book The Design of You which is a beautiful resource for all to learn about this system. I’m loving learning more and plan to bring it into my therapy practice as an additional service to help people really understand, accept and appreciate themselves and others. 

Whilst I’m currently doing an official accreditation with Leah, I have been personally studying this system for a year or so and am already loving giving readings to others and seeing the ‘aha moments’ and that recognition and peace on their faces, as they deeply resonate with certain aspects of their own designs!

If you want to experience this, get in touch!

As I'm still in training until the end of August, I'm offering half-price Human Design foundational readings for a limited period of time. Once I have your birth details (date, time and place) I can pull your chart. I will explain to you over a 60 minute zoom call all about your unique energy type, authority (ideal decision-making process), strategy (how you are best able to create or magnetize the right opportunities and people) and a couple of other key pieces of your unique self, according to your chart.

You will also receive a hypnosis audio to support you to align with your energy type, authority & strategy according to your Human Design. This will get your subconscious mind aligned too, to create much more flow and ease in your life, career and relationships.

Following the session you will receive the recording of our call and will have access to me to ask questions or clarify things for the following 4 weeks also via email. All of this will be for just £95, which will go up mid-September.

I am currently working on the sales page for this offering on my website but it’s not finished yet. So the best way to get in touch is send me a message if you'd like to take advantage of this while it's available.

Thanks for reading and I hope it's been enlightening. Do get in touch if anything resonated or if you have questions.