The Truth About Confidence!
Have you ever held back from doing something because you didn’t feel confident enough? Maybe you wanted to start a new hobby, speak up in a meeting, or go on a date, but you hesitated, waiting for confidence to show up first.
Here’s the truth: confidence doesn’t come before action—it comes after.
In The Confidence Gap, Dr. Russ Harris explains that many people make the mistake of waiting to feel confident before taking action. But that’s the wrong way around. Confidence is built by doing, not by waiting. The more you take action, the more natural confidence becomes—until one day, you don’t even think about it at all.
Confidence is an Emotion, Not a Fixed Trait
Many people believe confidence is something you either have or don’t. But confidence is simply an emotion—and like any emotion, you can learn to tap into it when you need it most.
Think about moments when you naturally feel confident—maybe when cooking a familiar meal, driving a car, or chatting with close friends. In those moments, confidence isn’t something you "have"—it’s simply a state you’re in. It’s a state of ease and calm, where you’re in the flow of an action and you have no doubts about your ability to do whatever you’re doing.
So as I’ve mentioned that natural ease of doing something well comes after you’ve practiced it a few times. But you need to take action before you feel totally ready and confident in order to build the confidence you want. The gap that Russ Harris talks about in his book is the time in between doing something unfamiliar (stepping out of your comfort zone and being willing to do something before you feel totally ready) and feeling really proficient doing it.
In this blog I want to give you some help with actually taking this leap, because this is the only way to increase your confidence in something you want to do.
Because confidence is an emotion that you can ‘call up’ when you need it you can intentionally create some confidence when stepping into unfamiliar territory. This will help you keep taking action until you achieve mastery of something and know you can do it well.
Here are three simple ways you can boost confidence:
1. Visualize Yourself Succeeding
Your brain responds to mental images almost as powerfully as real-life experiences. Before facing a challenge, close your eyes and imagine yourself succeeding. See yourself walking into that room, giving the presentation, or having the conversation with ease. Feel the confidence in your body. Athletes use this technique to perform better—so why not apply it to your life?
2. Transfer Confidence from One Area of Life to Another
Think of something you feel naturally confident doing. Maybe you’re great at giving advice to friends, dancing, or organizing things. Now imagine bringing that same energy into the area where you need more confidence. If you can feel confident in one area, you can feel confident in another. It’s just about shifting the emotion.
3. Accept That No One Feels 100% Ready
Perfection is a myth. No one starts out as an expert. Every confident person you admire once felt unsure and awkward. The only difference? They took action despite it. Growth only happens when you step outside your comfort zone.
As John A. Shedd said: "A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."
The next time you catch yourself thinking, I’ll do it when I feel ready, flip the script. Take the first step now, and confidence will follow.
As Mark Twain wisely put it:"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear."
Confidence isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you create. And the more you practice tapping into it, the more natural it becomes.
And then the more you practice the thing you’re scared of, the more the fear eases and natural confidence take it’s place.
I want to challenge you! Think of one thing you can take action on today—even before you feel ready? Dip your toe out of your comfort zone in this area of your life and take one small action today. I promise you it won't be as scary as you might think it will be. And the only way to know this and build your confidence muscle it to like Nike says.... just do it!
How Our Early Life Impacts Our Business
When it comes to business success, we as entrepreneurs know that mindset plays a massive role. Confidence, self-worth, and the ability to take risks all influence how far an entrepreneur or professional can go.
But what if these feelings and qualities feel difficult to access? For many women, the struggle to achieve success, and feel worthy of it when they actually achieve it, is deeply connected to an unresolved father wound.
This is often, but not always, accompanied by an equally unresolved mother wound, but I’ll talk about this in a later blog.
So What is the Father Wound?
The father wound refers to the negative effects and emotional scars left by an absent, neglectful, critical, or emotionally unavailable father figure. Whether through physical absence, lack of emotional support, or excessive criticism, a wounded father-daughter relationship can shape a woman’s subconscious beliefs about her value, her capabilities, and her ability to be successful.
This past lack of connection to a loving and supportive father can knock a woman’s whole sense of self at a foundational level.
These wounds often show up in relationships, life and work. In business they can present as limiting a woman’s ability to confidently own her space, charge her worth, and step into her full potential! (And to really feel fulfilled and worthy of the success she does achieve!)
And many women may experience the struggles but may not be fully aware of what is causing them, as they tend to be rooted in the subconscious mind.
How the Father Wound Affects Us: Some of the ways this can Impact Women in Business⬇️
Struggle with Self-Worth and Impostor Syndrome
Many of us with a father wound struggle to internalize our achievements. We may feel like frauds, even when we are highly skilled and experienced. This can lead to chronic overworking, undercharging, or avoiding opportunities due to a deep-seated belief that we are not truly capable or deserving.
Fear of Authority and Struggles with Leadership
If we grew up with a controlling or overly critical father, we may find it difficult to assert ourselves in professional spaces. We might shy away from leadership roles or avoid confrontation, fearing disapproval or failure. This can limit our career advancement or business growth, as leadership requires confidence in our own decisions and choices. We may also have a fear of people in authority which can also present challenges.
People-Pleasing and Over-Giving
Many of us felt that we had to earn our father’s love or approval, and we may carry that pattern into business. This can look like overdelivering for clients, undercharging for services, or avoiding setting firm boundaries. The deep need to be liked and validated can prevent us from making empowered, strategic business decisions.
Fear of Visibility and Playing Small
The father wound can create a subconscious fear of being seen or judged. We may hesitate to market ourselves, put our work out there, or step into bigger opportunities because of an internalized fear of rejection or failure. We might unconsciously hold ourselves back, staying in safe, familiar territory rather than taking the bold steps needed for growth.
Difficulty with Money and Financial Success
Our relationship with a father figure often influences how we perceive money and financial security. If our father was financially unstable, overly controlling with money, or absent altogether, we may struggle with feeling safe when earning, saving, or investing. We may unconsciously sabotage financial success by avoiding financial management, underpricing our services, or not asking for what we deserve.
Excessive Independence & Not Asking for Support
We may believe that we have to do it all ourselves and feel silently resentful when we don’t get help. However, we’re not actually asking for help because it’s such an unfamiliar ask for us that we automatically assume we won’t receive it. This is a very male-centered energy that many of us with the father wound tend to inhabit—without even realizing it!
Seeking Validation from External Achievement
Many of us are so driven to achieve because we seek validation from external accomplishments and others' approval. We may feel like whatever we achieve is never enough, pushing ourselves harder and harder, even to the brink of burnout! It’s like we’re trying to fill an emptiness inside, but with the wrong thing—something that will never truly work.
How to Heal the Father Wound and to the Success that You Can Actually Feel Worthy of!
Healing the father wound is a deeply personal process, but it is essential for sustainable and fulfilling success. In my experience doing this ‘work’ impacts many areas of a woman’s life not just business. Healing your father wound can ripple out and increase your sense of self trust, happiness, peace of mind and relationships too.
The following steps are not a ‘one and done’ solution. But a process. They may need to be revisited a few times before they are resolved. Often the support and guidance of a therapist is advised as it can be an emotional journey, but so worthwhile!
Here are some steps to begin that healing journey:
Acknowledge and Identify the Wound
The first step is recognizing how the father wound has influenced your mindset and behaviors. Reflect on patterns in your business—where do you feel stuck, unworthy, or fearful?
Rewire Limiting Beliefs
Journaling, therapy, and mindset work can help reframe limiting beliefs around worthiness, self trust, success, and possible issues with authority figures. Hypnotherapy and subconscious reprogramming techniques can be especially effective in shifting deep-seated beliefs formed in childhood.
Build Self-Validation and Inner Confidence
Instead of seeking external validation (from clients, colleagues, or authority figures), practice affirming your own worth. It’s important to celebrate small wins, recognize your expertise, and remind yourself that you are enough—just as you are.
Practice Setting Boundaries and Owning Your Power
Begin setting healthy boundaries in your business, whether that means saying no to clients who undervalue your work or confidently stating your prices without apology. Stepping into your power fully, requires trusting that you deserve respect and success.
Embrace Visibility and Take Bold Action
Commit to showing up fully in your business, even when it feels uncomfortable. Whether it’s launching that offer, speaking on a stage, or raising your rates, being willing to be visible is crucial to the success of your business.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Seek out mentors, coaches, or a community of women who uplift and support you. Healthy role models and supportive relationships can help rewrite feelings around trust, confidence and self-worth.
What I would Like Women to Know...
The father wound can deeply impact our ability to achieve success and feel worthy of it, but this can change!
By acknowledging these patterns and actively working to heal, we as women can step into our power, fully trust ourselves.
This inner work, whilst it may not be easy, is so worthwhile. Facing the uncomfortable can free us of the underpinning anxiety and negative ‘mind drama’ and help us to build the thriving careers or businesses we desire with the peace of mind that we fully deserve.
As I’ve already mentioned, healing isn’t just for success in business—it goes much deeper than that. Healing this fundamental disconnection with a parent can be life altering in lots of ways.
If you called to do this inner work, I can help...
We delve into the subconscious blocks and heal them at the root inside my powerful 1:1 program The Achievement Wound™️ Healing Method.
I have personal experience of being in business for many years (and experiencing all of the mindset issues and pitfalls) and also have healed my own 'father wound'.
Do you recognize some of these wounds and their effects in yourself?
If the answer is ‘YES’ and you’re interested and ready to heal what you know is holding you back in life or business, have a read about The Achievement Wound™️ Healing Method here.
Success isn’t just about strategy, hard work, or talent. While these are important, they’re not the whole picture. If your mindset isn’t aligned with success, it can hold you back—no matter how much effort you put in.
Why? Because our thoughts and emotions drive our actions, and our actions create real, tangible results.
By now, it’s no secret that mindset plays a HUGE role in success. As entrepreneurs, we understand the power of a positive, growth-focused mindset—yet we still struggle.
We’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, and invested in coaching. But despite all that, we still find ourselves stuck in patterns of overworking, self-doubt, procrastination, or money struggles.
And even though we practice mindset techniques like affirmations and visualization, something still feels off.
So, what’s really holding us back?
From what I’ve seen, the answer still lies in the mind—but not just in our conscious thoughts. The real blocks are often hidden in the subconscious.
The Hidden Barriers to Success & Wealth
Let me explain…
Your subconscious mind stores deep-seated beliefs formed in childhood, past experiences, and cultural conditioning. These beliefs shape your thoughts, behaviors and emotions without you even realizing it. If you’re struggling with success or money, it’s likely that your subconscious is running outdated programs like:
“I have to work hard for money.” This causes us to overwork and never feel like it’s enough.
“Success means sacrifice.” This is a fear that achieving more will cost you your relationships, health, or happiness and a belief that we can’t have both love and wealth or health and success.
“I’m not good enough.” This is something I have experienced myself and many of my clients struggle with this one. This pesky limiting belief causes us to procrastinate, undercharge and often avoid visibility or promoting our business.
“Wealth is for other people, not me.” This is such a common ‘money block’ causing us to unconsciously push away financial opportunities.
These invisible thought processes create what I have found to be Achievement Wounds™—deep-rooted subconscious blocks that keep you playing small, overworking, or feeling stuck in cycles of struggle.
Identify Your Subconscious Blocks in Order to Break Through Them
The first step in overcoming these barriers is awareness. Ask yourself:
What patterns keep repeating in my life or business?
What thoughts immediately surface when I think about success and money?
What did I learn about achievement, success, and wealth growing up?
Your answers will give you clues about the subconscious beliefs running your life. I recommend using these questions as journalling prompts and just scribbling down your thoughts and feelings on paper for you to see, clearly!
When you have clarity on exactly what is holding you back you can start to challenge it and change it!! And this is an ongoing thing, not a one and done practice, unfortunately because with every new level on your business journey there will be mindset ‘work’ to do.
Here Are Some Further Steps to Break Free & Rewire Your Mind for Success
Challenge the Old Story
Once you identify limiting beliefs, question them. Ask yourself, Is this belief 100% true? Look for evidence that contradicts the belief and rewrite the story in a way that empowers you. Other questions you can ask are “Do I absolutely know this to be true?” “Are there some occasions when this is not true.”?
Reprogram Your Subconscious
Mindset work alone isn’t enough—you need to go deeper. Techniques like hypnotherapy, RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy), and subconscious reprogramming can help shift these patterns at the root level.
Take Action Before You Feel Ready
Confidence doesn’t come before action—it comes after it. When you start acting from a new, empowered mindset, your subconscious catches up and rewires itself to support your growth.
Surround Yourself with Expansion
Your environment shapes your beliefs. Spend time with people who embody the level of success, ease, and abundance you desire. Read books, listen to podcasts, and if you can, invest in mentorships that help you expand beyond where you currently are in your business journey.
Heal the Emotional Blocks
Many subconscious blocks are tied to emotional wounds—fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being seen. When you heal these at a deep level, success becomes easier and more natural.
Your Next Step to Success & Wealth
Breaking through subconscious barriers isn’t just about thinking differently—it’s about rewiring your entire system for success.
That’s exactly what I help women in business do through The Achievement Wound™️ Healing Method—a transformational process designed to help you remove hidden blocks, connect with your inner confidence, and create success with less stress and more ease.
If you’re ready to break free from self-doubt, perfectionism, money blocks and step into your next level of success, let’s talk. Book a discovery call here!
Or find out more about my unique process The Achievement Wound™️ Healing Method here ⭐️
