DATING AFTER 40: DATING APPS VS MEETING YOUR MATCH IN REAL-LIFE!
When it Comes to Dating, Our Mindset is Important!
Many of my 40+ clients who are single and want a relationship, tell me that they are daunted by dating. By the time we get to our 40's we have normally collected some baggage.
Some have been really hurt by past relationships or break-ups and just don’t want the same thing to happen again. Others have been single for some time now and feel so out of touch with dating and relationships.
These wonderful women tell me they’re scared to put themselves ‘out there’ and that the dating scene is difficult.
Common limiting beliefs that I hear when speaking to women (particularly those over 40) is that there is a shortage of compatible single men out there, that they don’t believe they will ever meet anyone, it’s too late or that they feel they may be destined to be alone.
These fears from the past and limiting beliefs about the present and future can play a part in just stopping us from even trying to meet someone new!
This type of thinking does need to be worked on and changed for us to be happy and successful in love and this is a big part of the work I do with my clients in my programs. Once we challenge these often false, unhelpful thoughts and embody the belief that we can find our partner and be happy and secure in a loving relationship, then we’re ready to open up to dating. So how to go about dating when we’re over 40?
Dating Apps /Internet Dating are not the be all end all!
Whilst to most single people in their 20’s & 30’s dating apps are the norm as a medium for meeting potential partners, people in their 40’s upwards remember that there was (and still is) another way! Whilst there is no doubt that dating apps can be successful for helping people couple up (and I know a couple of people who met on dating apps and are now happily married or in a stable relationship), they don't always work or are not always an enjoyable experience! Many people tell me they would rather meet their partner in real-life and not have to bother with internet dating.
In my view there are both challenges and positives with both approaches. In this blog I wanted to explore the pros and cons of both using dating apps or choosing a more organic route to meeting your match so that people can decide what is right for them, when looking for love.
Here are the pros and cons of both internet dating and meeting a partner in real-life situations:
✅ Pro: Dating apps can offer a convenient approach, efficiently connecting you with potential matches based on shared interests, values, and preferences.
❌ Con: However, the power of the algorithmic may still miss the intangible chemistry that we can only really feel when we meet someone face-to-face!
✅ Pro: Dating apps open the door to meeting more potential partners, broadening our horizons beyond local haunts.
❌ Con: You may 'meet' more people but quantity doesn't always equate to quality, and sifting through profiles can be a daunting and time-consuming task.
✅ Pro: For those juggling a busy career and life, dating apps provide a convenient way to dip your toes into the dating pool without rearranging your entire schedule.
❌ Con: Many women tell me that the last thing they want to do after a busy day at work is jump onto the apps for more screen time.
❌ Con: Are they really who they say they are? Out-dated photos (say no more!!) and exaggerations or bending the truth: It beats me why people still think they can get away with putting old photos of their (much) younger selves on their dating profile. Or exaggerating hobbies (they may have hiked a mountain or sky-dived many moons ago but if you haven't done something for 10 years plus don't make it look as if you're super-active every weekend!) The other classic thing is height exaggeration. Again it baffles me that people state that they are taller than they actually are. I guess they do this because the dating app or site gets you to tick a height box and if you're a guy and under a certain height you may not get as many matches.
❌ Con: The way some apps and sites are set up can be limiting. For example many women over 40 do not look their age they look a lot younger. They would also like to meet someone who is around their age or older, but if older they would like someone who is fit, healthy and takes similar care of their appearance too. Its a common complaint that these women are either attracting younger guys looking for short-term fun with an attractive older woman, or much older guys who these women are not physically attracted to or compatible with either.
❌ Con: These are all comments I've heard from women about talking to people digitally. "It can be so time-consuming to be messaging back and forth with potential dates, just to meet them and not feel any connection." Running out of ideas for keeping conversations going with people who don't ask questions." or "Potential dates wanting to be in constant contact via message otherwise they drift off."
❌ Con: Ghosting!!! I know this can happen if you meet someone in real life too but the structure of dating apps makes messaging &/or dating and then ghosting so much easier! One woman told me that she'd been chatting to someone online for a couple of weeks when he announced that he really wanted to see her as he felt they had built a real connection. She replied back saying that she would love to meet up too. Then guess what?!! She heard crickets!!!!
Meeting in Real Life
✅ Pro: Nothing beats the authenticity of a face-to-face meeting. Real-life meetings allow you to gauge chemistry, body language, and that elusive spark from the get-go.
❌ Con: Initial nerves may cloud judgment, and missed opportunities can happen if we or the person we like, don’t pluck up the courage to make the first move. A way to tackle this is to just chat to people as if they may become a friend, this can minimise nervousness or shyness as it takes the pressure of and you're just having a nice conversation.
✅ Pro: You can meet through shared social circles. Meeting through friends or shared interests provides a built-in network, giving you a common ground from the start. It also means you know more about them and can trust that they are being authentically them too.
❌ Con: The dating pool may feel more limited, and your ideal match might not be within your immediate social circles. You may have a larger quantity of potential dates if you join a dating app, but as we've already discussed above, quantity is not the same as quality!
✅ Pro: Real-life connections often follow a more natural trajectory, allowing relationships to evolve organically and at a natural pace that you both can feel comfortable with.
❌ Con: The pace of meeting someone in real-life might be slower, and impatience may set in.
✅ Pro: If you really didn't enjoy using dating apps, you can just free-up your time to do more of the things you enjoy doing. Life is too short to do something you hate!
✅ Pro: If you're out and about being naturally yourself and not really looking for love (at that precise moment), that is the ideal positive energy to meet someone who sees the 'real' you and is attracted to you just as you are.
✅ Pro: Meeting someone in real-life may require you to do new things, go to events or start new hobbies that will challenge you to get out of your comfort zone. This is all great news as personal growth always come when we do new or different things!
Choosing What Feels Right for You & Striking a Balance
If you’re reading this and you’re over 40 and would like a relationship, finding the right approach often involves striking a balance between the potential convenience of dating apps and the genuine connections that you can make when you meet someone in real life.
There are pluses and minuses for both, as pointed out above! The key lies in navigating them with intention, patience and self-awareness, knowing the benefits and what may be not so great with both paths!
Whether you're swiping right in the digital realm or are more ‘set on’ meeting your match in real life, the journey of dating after 40 can be fun and sometimes frustrating all at the same time!
My best advice is to embrace the adventure, enjoy the journey, stay true to yourself, and who knows—you might just find love where you least expect it.
Remember, whichever route you choose it may take some time to meet a soulmate, but if you’re enjoying your life now as a single person, that isn’t so bad!
P.S. If you choose the real-life approach to finding ‘your person’ you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
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