BREAKING FREE: HOW LIMITING BELIEFS SABOTAGE YOUR SEARCH FOR A HAPPY, HEALTHY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP!
Whilst we all dream of finding that healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship, unfortunately it's not always that easy and many of us experience obstacles that stand in our way. Whilst it may be true that we may have less time to think about dating and less 'real world’ opportunities to meet a potential partner, one of the most powerful barriers we face is the presence of our own limiting beliefs.
These deeply ingrained thoughts and perceptions can shape our actions, decisions, and ultimately prevent us from experiencing the love and happiness we’re looking for!
Limiting beliefs are annoying because they feel real and sometimes we may not be totally aware that they are driving us to feel, act and behave in certain ways that damage our chances of finding our ‘soul mate’. In my work with single women wanting a relationship I help them to challenge any negative or unhelpful beliefs and this is an integral and important part of our work together.
In this blog we will look at how limiting beliefs form, how they can block our journey to finding a healthy relationship, and discover the top five limiting beliefs that my clients have told me get in their way. I’ll also make some suggestions on how to overcome them.
Understanding How & Why Limiting Beliefs Form
Limiting beliefs are often shaped by our past experiences, societal influences, and negative self-perceptions. They can develop as a result of childhood upbringing, traumatic events, or even the messages we have internalized from media and society. These beliefs settle deep within our subconscious mind, creating a lens through which we view ourselves and the world around us. Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships, these limiting beliefs can hold us back from finding and nurturing healthy love.
The Impact of Limiting Beliefs on Our Search for Healthy Love
Limiting beliefs can significantly hinder our ability to find a healthy and fulfilling relationship in several ways.
Firstly, they can create a distorted and negative perception of ourselves, leading to low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth. These beliefs might make us feel unworthy of love or convince us that we are destined to be alone.
Secondly, limiting beliefs can lead to fear and anxiety. We may fear rejection, abandonment, or getting hurt again based on past experiences. This fear can prevent us from opening up, trusting others, and fully embracing the potential of a new relationship.
Lastly, limiting beliefs can cause us to settle for less than we deserve. We might convince ourselves that we don't deserve a loving and respectful partner, or that we should accept less than ideal treatment. These beliefs can trap us in unhealthy patterns and prevent us from seeking healthier alternatives. They can mean we don’t even ask for what we need or assert any boundaries when we get treated badly.
Top 5 Limiting Beliefs (that hold my clients back from finding healthy love )
1) "I am not lovable": This belief convinces us that we are unworthy of love, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy where we sabotage potential relationships or settle for less than we deserve. When I come across this very common belief in my clients I remind them that we are all born loveable and it's just a case of reminding ourselves of this regularly!
2) "All relationships end in heartbreak": This belief stems from past hurt and creates a fear of getting hurt again. It can make us overly guarded, preventing us from fully investing in new relationships. Sure, heartbreaks happen, but they don't define all relationships. Don't let this belief make you build emotional walls and miss out on the magic of a new connection.
3) "I have to be perfect to be loved": This belief places unrealistic expectations on ourselves, leading to a constant need for validation and fear of vulnerability. Perfection doesn’t exist and our imperfections make us unique, they make us, us! Believing we have to be perfect, stops us from being fully ourselves in a relationship or on dates. This tends to block us from making genuine connections and prevents us from accepting love and support as imperfect beings.
4) "There are no good partners out there": This belief arises from a negative outlook and a feeling of lack that can feel very real, if we’re either not getting much interest from suitors or we've had a string of 'bad' partners in our past. The trouble is, believing that there are no single potential partners out there can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. It binds us to the thought that a healthy relationship is way out of our reach and narrows our search for love. This belief can stop us even to bother trying to find a partner or noticing someone when they may be right in front of us!
5) "I don't deserve happiness": This belief undermines our self-worth and prevents us from pursuing happiness in relationships. It can create a cycle of self-sabotage and accepting toxic dynamics. Believing we’re not worthy or deserving can lead to us accepting bad behaviour or a lack of respect from a partner because we think we are lucky to be with them. Not a nice way to feel at all!
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs for Healthy Love
Here are a couple of ways that I suggest you start to challenge and change these unhelpful beliefs (or any others that you may identify you're holding onto!):
1. Identify and challenge your beliefs: Start by becoming aware of your limiting beliefs and questioning their validity. Challenge the negative thoughts by seeking evidence to the contrary and reframing them in a more positive light. Ask yourself these questions: Is this a helpful belief? Is it even true? Am I willing to work on believing something more positive and helpful?
2. Practice self-compassion: Cultivate self-compassion and treat yourself with kindness. Understand that everyone has flaws and imperfections, and you are deserving of love and happiness just as you are!
If you are interested in joining us to work through what may be blocking you from finding a wonderful and authentic and loving relationship, read more about the Healthy Relationship Roadmap Program here.