HOW TO STOP ATTRACTING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Are you fed up of attracting the wrong people and situations into your life?
Maybe you have great hopes at the beginning of a new relationship, only to find that the same negative patterns play out again and again.
It could be that you’re attracted to emotionally unavailable people and as soon as you start to show your feelings they back off or become distant, leaving you second guessing and feeling insecure.
Maybe you seem to be attracted to partners who cheat and you wonder why this always seems to happen to you.
Or perhaps you have a history of controlling, possessive relationships and you are so anxious about dating or meeting someone new, in case you can’t extract yourself and get stuck in this cycle again.
Something to remember is that the self-awareness that you want something different is the first step to change. The fact that you are now so aware of what you DON”T want is a positive, because now you can change what happens in your future.
Follow these steps to ensure that you break these toxic cycles and start to experience more healthy and balanced relationships, with people who are ready for a relationship that is equal and loving.
1) Create some space
The first thing that I always recommend to people who are experiencing negative patterns in love, is to have some time on your own. Nurture and heal yourself, practice self-care and self-love. Have some time as a single person to really get to know what you do and don’t want for yourself, both relationship wise and in your life generally.
2) Celebrate you
The second thing that is important is to become happy as a single person, before seeking to be with someone else. I like the saying that you have to be a happy ‘me’ before being a happy ‘we’.
Write a list of all of the attributes, achievements and things you like about yourself. Read through it everyday to remind you of all of your good ‘bits’. This will pick you up if you are feeling low and boost your confidence and self-esteem too.
Being happy single means also taking some time to know and do the things that you enjoy, that you are passionate about and that feed your soul.
3) Know yourself
Look at your patterns and become really self-aware. Who is the type of person that you have been attracted to? What are the patterns that have played out in your relationships in the past. What is it that you definitely don’t want? What would your ideal relationship look like?
Start to do some writing and journaling answering these questions, so that you become really clear on the answers to these questions.
4) Be the person you want to attract
What are the attributes and qualities that you want in a partner? Do you have these same qualities?
When I teach people how to use the law of attraction to attract what they want in a relationship, the first thing I get them to do is create a list of the top 5-10 things they want in a partner. Rather than this being material things or career accomplishments etc I think it is important to focus on the personal qualities that would make us feel secure, happy and loved in a relationship.
The LOA states that like attracts like, so if you want someone who is thoughtful and kind, you have to be thoughtful and kind yourself. Once you have your list, ask yourself if you are ‘being’ the sort of person YOU want to be with? If not, how can you start to embody more of these qualities in yourself?
5) Create some boundaries
I love the quote “Good fences make good neighbours.” In a relationship, clear boundaries (even if they are just clear to ourselves), make a great partnership. You have to know what your non-negotiables are? What are you definitely NOT prepared to tolerate in a relationship?
Write these down and be very clear on these points in your own mind. Also write a list of what you do need and want in a relationship.
Once you have these lists for yourself you don’t necessarily have to express them to a potential partner (unless your boundaries are being pushed), but this self-awareness gives a feeling of calm, knowing that you are prepared to defend your boundaries if you ever need to. This allows you to have peace of mind and able to relax and enjoy being connected and the whole dating experience.
6) Take it slow
When you’re dating someone make sure you get to know them and take things at your own pace before getting intimate or making any commitments. Don’t be rushed along and keep to your own timing and pace.
This is super-important for ensuring that the relationship and the person is right for you. When you take your time you can tune into your own gut instinct, your intuition, which when you listen to it will let you know whether the relationship and person is healthy and right for you!
I hope these tips help you if you’re feeling wary of dating or are getting over a break-up or past toxic relationship! Remember you are worthy being loved properly! We’re all born worthy and you are loveable exactly as you are!
We study and implement all of these steps during my Healthy Relationship Roadmap Program, which helps single women confidently create healthy, joyful and loving relationships.
If you would like to know more or would like to join us on the next live course we are starting again in October and I’m taking enrolments now! Go here to book a discovery call to apply!