THE TOP ESSENTIAL QUALITIES OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!

RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT PERFECT!

I need to start by saying that no relationship is perfect. Relationships are hard by design! How could they not be, when you’ve got two completely different people coming together, who’ve had different life experiences and probably have contrasting views and opinions. Of course, relationships take work and require nurturing to grow and flourish.

In this blog I’ve outlined the aspects of a relationship that make it healthy, equal and give it a strong foundation to last and be happy and fulfilling. Some of these points may take more effort than others: For example, trust is earned, it may take practice to listen and communicate kindly and clearly. If you’re not used to expressing your feelings it can take some practice to cultivate emotional intimacy. If you’re used to doing everything for yourself it can feel strange to ask for support when you really need it.

Relationships require of us to be the best people we can be, for ourselves and for our partner. If we look at relationships as an opportunity to grow personally, to stretch ourselves and to love the other, we will be winning because although it takes effort the rewards are a beautiful loving connection and a fulfilling life together.

HERE ARE THE 14 TOP ESSENTIALS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

1) TRUST

The first thing that is super-important for a relationship to be healthy is that there is trust. When I talk about trust I mean that you should trust that your partner has your best interests at heart and that they will be loyal to you and honest with you and themselves too. You should also trust that you will be loyal and will be honest with yourself and your partner.

2) GIVING/ALLOWING SPACE

You know you have a healthy relationship when you give each other space to be yourselves and to pursue activities outside of the relationship as well as spending time together. When the trust is there between you, you will both be relaxed and happy to be apart at times. You may have friends that you prefer to see on your own sometimes and this is totally normal and natural. Perhaps you have passions or hobbies that you had before you got together with your partner, or even ones that you’ve started whilst you’ve been together, but your other half isn’t so interested in them. So go alone or with friends. This space is important and you maintain your separate identities, which is what attracted you in the first place. Having space also increases a strong sense of self (what I call the SSS) which is essential for a balanced partnership.

3) MAINTAINING INDIVIDUALITY

Be yourself! Keeping your separateness not just by doing your own thing but also by holding onto your own opinions, feelings and respecting that your partner probably sees things differently and this is a good thing. This means that you may disagree or argue at times, but this is healthy. Conflict is normal in a relationship, sometimes you will disagree. This is inevitable and to be honest it’s more concerning if a couple NEVER argue, as a relationship with no arguments at all is unlikely to be balanced on both sides.

4) BOUNDARIES

Knowing what your non-negotiables are and what your expectations are both of yourself and of your partner, for the greatest good of you both and the relationship. Setting the standards of how you want to be treated and demonstrating this by how you treat and care for your partner too.

5) SELF-AWARENESS AND RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS

In a healthy relationship it’s crucial that we know ourselves. As well as knowing what we DO want in a relationship with a partner it’s important to be fully aware of our previous patterns, triggers and any ways that we have sabotaged relationships in the past, or allowed ourselves to be treated less well than we deserved. By having this knowledge and being honest with ourselves we can take care of our own needs ahead of time, we take responsibility for our own happiness and don’t expect our partner to do that for us.

6) SELF-LOVE

To add to the last point, it is also our own responsibility to practice self-love and self-care. We need to fill ourselves up with love first before we can give love to someone else, without feeling depleted. This is each person’s responsibility and couples with healthy boundaries understand this.

7) COMMUNICATION

In a healthy relationship both parties know that communication is essential and make a conscious effort to speak their truth, ask for what they need and learn to assert their boundaries when needed. resentment is the silent killer of many relationships and so there should be a determination that even if the conversation is hard, it shouldn’t be avoided.

8) COURAGE

I think it takes courage to have a great relationship because it’s not always easy. Having boundaries and communicating them, expressing your feelings and what you need and being vulnerable with someone, all takes courage.

9) RESPECT

Having a healthy respect and appreciation of each other is super-important for the success of a relationship. As long as you are taking care of yourself you should also respect your partner’s needs and boundaries and value them as much as your own. This doesn’t mean putting their needs before your own, but making them equally as important.

10) SUPPORT

In a healthy union between two people, you should both be able to ask for support when you need it and be prepared to give support when your partner needs it. Great relationships are cultivated when the couple feel like a team. They’re supporting each other to be the best that they can be and this benefits the relationship too. This can be practical, emotional, physical support depending on the situation.

11) COMPROMISE

There will sometimes be things you don’t want to do, maybe events you’d rather not go to or a film you know isn’t really your sort of movie. I think a sign of an equal relationship is that at times there is healthy compromise, from both sides. However, if one partner feels like they’re doing more of this then this will feel unfair.

12) COMPASSION AND SEEKING TO UNDERSTAND

You may not always agree with your partner’s views or opinions or they may make the odd mistake (and you probably will too). Perfection doesn’t exist in this world and we are all beautifully flawed people living around other beautifully flawed people. Our flaws make us unique. When mistakes are made or there is a difference of opinion or an argument, remember to have compassion for yourself and your partner. You may not always understand their views or actions but if you’re willing to try to understand, that may be enough to get back on track.

13) SPENDING QUALITY TIME

In a happy relationship a couple will enjoy spending time together and making plans for holidays, dates and sharing experiences together, building happy memories together and feeling really at ease in each other’s company. Making time to have conversations together, even if it is just a catch up at the end of the day. This includes making time to be intimate together.

14) SHARING INTIMACY

This is closeness to each other and can be physical (cuddles, kisses, holding hands, sex), emotional (letting your partner know your inner-most feelings and needs), intellectual (sharing your views and opinions) and spiritual (sharing beliefs, even if they are different). You may have different views or religions and that’s fine but perhaps you share the value of being faithful and honest and always doing your best in life.

15) SELF-ESTEEM & SECURITY

Last but definitely not least, a relationship with a caring partner should make you feel secure. It should help you build self-esteem rather than taking any self-value or self-worth away from you, or making you second guess yourself or the relationship. In a healthy equal relationship life is not a competition, you are a team and you both want what is best for yourself, the other and the relationship.

These aspects of a healthy relationship require work and may not always be there at the beginning of a relationship, but I think they are good to remember and to work towards.

What about you?

Are you fed up with NOT having a healthy relationship, perhaps you have been attracting one toxic situation after another? When you understand that some of this comes from your limiting beliefs and fears in relationships you can start to change these patterns. Do you want help to do the inner healing that will empower you to create a healthy, joyful, loving relationship with a wonderful partner?

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