The journey to finding a compatible life partner can be both exciting and challenging. However, if we struggle with low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth, the path to a healthy love relationship can feel very blocked. Our perception and view of ourselves greatly influences our ability to attract and maintain fulfilling relationships.
In this post, I'll talk about the ways in which a lack of self-worth can hinder our search for a partner. I’ll also give some tips on embracing self-worth to help you, if you are a single woman in order to find a loving and compatible relationship.
The ways low-self esteem can show up when you’re single and wanting a relationship
1) Underestimating your own value (forgetting what a good catch you are!)
A lack of self-worth can lead to underestimating your own value as a potential partner. When you don't recognize your own strengths, qualities, and unique attributes, it becomes difficult to show these when dating and may make it more tricky to present yourself confidently to others. This self-doubt can manifest as a reluctance to put yourself out there, engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors, or settling for relationships that are not fulfilling for you and do not align with your true desires and needs.
2) Attracting unhealthy dynamics & toxic relationships
Low self-worth can unwittingly attract unhealthy dynamics and toxic relationships. When you don't believe you deserve better, you may find yourself drawn to partners who reinforce your negative self-perception and make you feel even more unworthy of love. These relationships may involve emotional manipulation, disrespect, or an unbalanced power dynamic, further perpetuating your feelings of unworthiness. Because of this, finding a healthy and loving partner becomes increasingly challenging.
3) Fear of vulnerability and intimacy
Self-worth plays a pivotal role in the ability to be vulnerable and develop intimate connections with others. When you lack a sense of self-worth, opening yourself up emotionally becomes daunting. Fear of rejection or abandonment may prevent you from fully investing in a relationship or expressing your true feelings. This fear can create barriers to intimacy and hinder the development of deep, meaningful connections. It can also mean that a potential partner doesn’t really get to know you properly and get to see the ‘whole’ authentic you. This leads to a lack of connection, ultimately, because you may not be being fully yourself.
4) Settling for less than you deserve
A lack of self-worth can lead to settling for less than you truly deserve in a partner. Believing that you are unworthy of love and affection can make you more likely to tolerate mistreatment, neglect, or a lack of effort from potential partners. This pattern of settling can perpetuate a cycle of unfulfilling relationships and reinforce negative beliefs about yourself.
5) Lack of self-care and boundaries
Self-worth is closely intertwined with self-care and establishing healthy boundaries. When you don't value yourself, you may neglect your own well-being and prioritize the needs and wants of others above your own. This imbalance can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and an inability to establish and communicate your boundaries effectively. It becomes challenging to foster a healthy and equal partnership when self-care and personal boundaries are compromised.
Tips for embracing your self-worth and finding a partner
Awareness is the first step to change! Recognizing the impact of low self-worth on your ability to find a partner is the first step toward more positive choices for yourself. Here are some strategies to embrace self-worth and enhance your chances of finding a loving and compatible partner who will treat you with the care, love and respect you deserve:
Cultivate self-compassion: Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. Acknowledge your strengths and celebrate your accomplishments. Inside the Healthy Relationship Roadmap Program one of the exercises we do is write a list of all of our gifts, traits and achievements, all of the things we appreciate and like about ourselves. This can be used whenever we need a boost and to bolster self-confidence when we need it!
Challenge negative self-beliefs: Identify and challenge negative beliefs about yourself that contribute to your lack of self-worth. Replace them with positive affirmations and realistic self-appraisals. When you identify a limiting belief that you may be holding about yourself, ask yourself: “Is this really true?” Find the evidence that it is NOT true and write all of these points down. This helps you to shift your thinking to the truth, rather than the mind choosing to focus on unhelpful thoughts.
Invest in self-growth: Engage in activities that promote personal growth and self-improvement. This could include pursuing hobbies, learning new skills, or seeking professional development. Do more of the things that make you happy and bring you joy too! This signals to your brain that you value yourself more and will help you to gain confidence and self-esteem.
Surround yourself with positive influences: Build a support network of friends and loved ones who uplift and value you. Seek out role models and mentors who inspire and encourage self-worth. Don’t spend time with people who don’t respect you and treat you nicely. This is an act of self-preservation and self-care.
Seek therapy or professional support. Consider seeking some help to address underlying issues contributing to your lack of self-worth. A therapist or coach can provide guidance and tools to support your journey toward self-discovery and self-acceptance.
To sum up!
Embracing self-worth is a transformative journey that can positively impact your ability to find a compatible partner. By recognizing the barriers that a lack of self-worth can create and actively working to cultivate self-worth, you can open yourself up to healthier relationships grounded in mutual respect, love, and fulfillment. I hope these tips have helped you if you recognize any of this in yourself.
Remember, you deserve to find a partner who appreciates and cherishes you for the incredible person you are!
P.S. We also do a lot of the self-discovery and inner healing that addresses self-esteem on the Healthy Relationship Formula. This is my signature live online program supporting single women to heal their past, love themselves more and cultivate the perfect mindset and energy in order to attract all good things to them, including a wonderful healthy and loving relationship. If this resonates with you, read more about the program here!
Are you being blocked by your core beliefs?
Whilst we all dream of finding that healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship, unfortunately it's not always that easy and many of us experience obstacles that stand in our way. Whilst it may be true that we may have less time to think about dating and less 'real world’ opportunities to meet a potential partner, one of the most powerful barriers we face is the presence of our own limiting beliefs.
These deeply ingrained thoughts and perceptions can shape our actions, decisions, and ultimately prevent us from experiencing the love and happiness we’re looking for!
Limiting beliefs are annoying because they feel real and sometimes we may not be totally aware that they are driving us to feel, act and behave in certain ways that damage our chances of finding our ‘soul mate’. In my work with single women wanting a relationship I help them to challenge any negative or unhelpful beliefs and this is an integral and important part of our work together.
In this blog we will look at how limiting beliefs form, how they can block our journey to finding a healthy relationship, and discover the top five limiting beliefs that my clients have told me get in their way. I’ll also make some suggestions on how to overcome them.
Understanding How & Why Limiting Beliefs Form
Limiting beliefs are often shaped by our past experiences, societal influences, and negative self-perceptions. They can develop as a result of childhood upbringing, traumatic events, or even the messages we have internalized from media and society. These beliefs settle deep within our subconscious mind, creating a lens through which we view ourselves and the world around us. Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships, these limiting beliefs can hold us back from finding and nurturing healthy love.
The Impact of Limiting Beliefs on Our Search for Healthy Love
Limiting beliefs can significantly hinder our ability to find a healthy and fulfilling relationship in several ways.
Firstly, they can create a distorted and negative perception of ourselves, leading to low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth. These beliefs might make us feel unworthy of love or convince us that we are destined to be alone.
Secondly, limiting beliefs can lead to fear and anxiety. We may fear rejection, abandonment, or getting hurt again based on past experiences. This fear can prevent us from opening up, trusting others, and fully embracing the potential of a new relationship.
Lastly, limiting beliefs can cause us to settle for less than we deserve. We might convince ourselves that we don't deserve a loving and respectful partner, or that we should accept less than ideal treatment. These beliefs can trap us in unhealthy patterns and prevent us from seeking healthier alternatives. They can mean we don’t even ask for what we need or assert any boundaries when we get treated badly.
Top 5 Limiting Beliefs (that hold my clients back from finding healthy love )
1) "I am not lovable": This belief convinces us that we are unworthy of love, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy where we sabotage potential relationships or settle for less than we deserve. When I come across this very common belief in my clients I remind them that we are all born loveable and it's just a case of reminding ourselves of this regularly!
2) "All relationships end in heartbreak": This belief stems from past hurt and creates a fear of getting hurt again. It can make us overly guarded, preventing us from fully investing in new relationships. Sure, heartbreaks happen, but they don't define all relationships. Don't let this belief make you build emotional walls and miss out on the magic of a new connection.
3) "I have to be perfect to be loved": This belief places unrealistic expectations on ourselves, leading to a constant need for validation and fear of vulnerability. Perfection doesn’t exist and our imperfections make us unique, they make us, us! Believing we have to be perfect, stops us from being fully ourselves in a relationship or on dates. This tends to block us from making genuine connections and prevents us from accepting love and support as imperfect beings.
4) "There are no good partners out there": This belief arises from a negative outlook and a feeling of lack that can feel very real, if we’re either not getting much interest from suitors or we've had a string of 'bad' partners in our past. The trouble is, believing that there are no single potential partners out there can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. It binds us to the thought that a healthy relationship is way out of our reach and narrows our search for love. This belief can stop us even to bother trying to find a partner or noticing someone when they may be right in front of us!
5) "I don't deserve happiness": This belief undermines our self-worth and prevents us from pursuing happiness in relationships. It can create a cycle of self-sabotage and accepting toxic dynamics. Believing we’re not worthy or deserving can lead to us accepting bad behaviour or a lack of respect from a partner because we think we are lucky to be with them. Not a nice way to feel at all!
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs for Healthy Love
Here are a couple of ways that I suggest you start to challenge and change these unhelpful beliefs (or any others that you may identify you're holding onto!):
1. Identify and challenge your beliefs: Start by becoming aware of your limiting beliefs and questioning their validity. Challenge the negative thoughts by seeking evidence to the contrary and reframing them in a more positive light. Ask yourself these questions: Is this a helpful belief? Is it even true? Am I willing to work on believing something more positive and helpful?
2. Practice self-compassion: Cultivate self-compassion and treat yourself with kindness. Understand that everyone has flaws and imperfections, and you are deserving of love and happiness just as you are!
If you are interested in joining us to work through what may be blocking you from finding a wonderful and authentic and loving relationship, read more about the Healthy Relationship Formula.
Who are you attracted to? And what’s behind that?
Do you have a type? Are you often attracted to a certain sort of look or personality in a prospective partner? Can you identify any connections between previous relationships and how you felt in them?
This is such an interesting subject that when we become aware of, we can make decisions about who we want to be with in a loving relationship! And it may well be someone very different to your 'normal type'.
In my Healthy Relationship Formula we go into past patterns and evaluate what has been good that we want to keep and what we definitely want to leave behind; certain types of relationships and situations for example. Having this conscious awareness of any patterns allows us to make different choices for our future love life.
Often we are not fully conscious of our main limiting beliefs to do with relationships. We may have created certain beliefs and made decisions as a child, both from our own experience and from observing the important relationships around us growing up.
Before we are really aware of these beliefs under the surface they are able to drive us and may affect the type of people we are drawn to. We are 'unconsciously' creating our experience.
What does unconsciously creating our experience mean?
We are always creating our circumstances and we tend to be driven by our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. If we hold limiting beliefs from our past and childhood wounds, it means that without us being fully aware of it the child that still lives within us is driving us to create our reality today. If deep down, we hold limiting beliefs of not being enough or not being loveable we will often choose situations and people that prove these beliefs right.
The mind loves what is familiar, it is wired to notice and guide us to the familiar pathway. This is because it’s easier and the mind is basically wired to keep us safe. Anything familiar is deemed as safer for us (even if it’s something we claim we don’t want). Because we have already experienced it, it’s already a ‘program’ in the mind. Anything unfamiliar requires more effort by the mind to suss it out for potential ‘danger’.
So how does this affect who we are attracted to?
There are some theories that we pick our love interests and partners because they remind us of how we felt as a child.
There’s that familiarity again, but the theory goes that because it's human nature to love and be loved, we’re always repeating similar experiences to our childhood ones.
According to this theory we are drawn to prospective partners who have similar traits to our parents (Mum & Dad) or other caregivers, or who remind us of how we felt as a child. We are driven with the notion of getting our unmet childhood needs satisfied.
So it’s like we’re constantly replaying the movie of our earlier years in order to create a happier ending, where all of our unmet needs for unconditional love and care are fulfilled. This can be a life-long search until we realise that it’s not up to our significant other to meet our childhood needs for love!
That's our job!! As children we did need that love and care to survive, but as adults what we need is us to love us!!
Once we love ourselves we can invite someone else in who also loves themself. Were choosing healthy love, not expecting someone else to fill the void that was left for us as children. The only person that can do that is us!
By gaining this awareness, we have more consciousness on why we are drawn to certain people. Fascinating stuff!
The aim of the game is to be consciously creating. But what does this mean?
To be consciously creating our circumstances means to be aware of our past unconscious decisions and the results or experiences that those decisions led us to. The next step is to decide we want something different and to begin to ‘create’ with intention, to be conscious of what we want and to make decisions that align with this new vision. When you become super-clear on what you don't want you also gain such clarity on what else is possible for you! And that's exciting!
What about you?
Are you a single woman who wants to be in a relationship, but you know you sometimes get in your own way of being happy in love? If so, the Healthy Relationship Formula will support you to work on releasing the past (including any limiting beliefs that have been holding you back) and healing your relationship with you first.
When you truly remove these blocks to love, it's only a matter of time before you find that lovely partner you've been waiting for!
To find out more about the program and apply click here!
