“Once you identify and learn to speak your partner’s primary love language, I believe that
you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving relationship.” – Dr Gary Chapman
What are the 5 Love Languages?
The 5 Love Languages is a concept discovered by relationship therapist and author Dr Gary Chapman and he wrote about them in his best-selling book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
Through his private therapy practice of helping many couples with their relationships, he discovered that people tend to favour one (sometimes two) particular ways of showing and experiencing romantic love.
The 5 Love Languages are:
✅ Physical Affection
🫶🏻 Words of Affirmation
✅ Quality Time
🫶🏻 Gifts
✅ Acts of Duty
Dr Chapman noticed that couples rarely ‘speak’ the same love language, this means that when we are trying to show our partner that we love them, we normally do the things that we would like done for us.
When relational problems occur after the early “in love” period, of a relationship, he learnt that it was often because each partner was speaking a totally different love language!
We tend to use our primary love language when expressing our love, we then get confused when our partner doesn’t understand what we are communicating!
We are trying so hard to show our love for the other but our message literally gets ‘lost in translation’ or missed completely because as far as the other person is concerned we may as well be speaking a foreign language!
If we want our partner to feel the love we are expressing, we must use their primary love language!
How Can You Use the Love Languages to Benefit Your Relationship?
Once you have the knowledge of what you and your partner prefer you can make sure you ask for what you would like AND you show your partner how much you love and appreciate them by using their love language!
When you do this, believe me you will be happy that you did!
So How to Tell What Yours and Your Partner’s Love Language is?
Take the official Love Languages Quiz (and ask your partner to as well). Then come back here for some advice on how to use both yours and your partner’s love language to nurture your relationship!
Here are some ideas and examples of actions that you can incorporate for each of the Love Languages:
PHYSICAL AFFECTION
Holding hands, arm around shoulders when walking, watching TV etc. Cuddles, kisses, sex. Back, foot or head massage.
A hug is a powerful communicator of love and support, particularly at a tough or sad time.
Hugging someone whilst they cry is the most important and best thing you can do, especially for someone who's primary language is physical affection!
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Paying a compliment. Writing a list of all the things you appreciate, like and love about the other and either texting, voice message, little note or verbally letting them know one per day or even a couple each week.
Expressions of love and how much they mean to you.
En- courage: Encouragement to achieve their goals or something that’s important to them.
If there’s something they dream of doing but lack confidence, you’re in a great position to give them the confidence and courage they may need, in the form of encouraging words.
QUALITY TIME
Going to dinner and talking (no phones). Giving them your full attention, listening and sharing.
When listening, having empathy and not trying to fix the problem, seeking to understand and giving the space to each talk. Planning and going on date nights, trips, holidays together.
Going for a walk together, working out together. Daily sharing time when it’s convenient to you both, even if you just share how your day has been and listen to them talk about theirs (even 10 mins of your full attention maybe enough!)
GIFTS
Sentimental gifts, cards with lovely words, sending music, anything they can hold, look at or listen to and know that you thought about them.
You can purchase something, make something, even find something and it doesn’t have to be expensive, it’s the thought that counts.
It doesn’t have to be all the time, but if your partner’s love language is gifts, definitely ensure you get a present when it is a birthday or special occasion. Flowers, jewellery, their favourite food or snack, drink, item of clothing, book, etc.
ACTS OF SERVICE
Acts of love! Doing a chore that you know they don’t like doing, cooking a meal, coffee or tea in the morning, helping with a project, picking up their favourite food for dinner, posting their letter or parcel, doing some research for them if they haven’t got time, fixing something that needs to be fixed, giving them a lift to the station or picking them up from work or a night out, offering to help when they’re short of time.
A Few Points To Consider When Expressing Your Needs!
Request rather than demand because love is always a choice, not an order!
“A request creates the possibility for an expression of love, whereas a demand suffocates that possibility.”
The best way to express your needs and ask for what you want is as a request rather than a demand or criticism! A request gives an element of choice and love should always be a choice.
Once you’ve asked for what you want, it’s up to your partner to respond to your request or to deny it. When they respond to one of your requests it means so much more than if they begrudgingly fulfil a demand.
Here are some examples of how to communicate your needs:
“I love being close to you and in addition to sex, I'd love it if you could show me some affection. A cuddle and a kiss a couple of times during the day would mean a lot to me."
“It would make me really happy if we could connect and talk about our day when you first get in. Even if it's just for 15 minutes it means we get some quality time together. What d you think? "
“Do you think you would e able to pick up some shopping on Saturday am? It would really help me if you could?"
Reward & Appreciate by Using Their Love Language
When your partner uses your love language to express their love and care for you, make sure you show your appreciation. You can tell them you appreciate it and how happy the gesture made you.
If their love language is not words of affirmation, then also do something for them in their own love language to show your appreciation in a way that will mean the most to them.
What If Your Partner’s Love Language Doesn’t Come Naturally to You?
If your partner’s love language is not easy or familiar to you, you can learn it with practice, just like any other skill. If you grew up in a house where cuddles and affection weren’t openly given, you should express to your partner that this is why physical affection doesn’t come as easy to you as it does to them.
But also make sure they know that because it is important to them, it’s also important to you. The more you do it the more natural, comfortable and familiar cuddles, kisses and hand-holding will become.
Just take it a step at a time and make sure your partner knows you are committed to being more affectionate in this way, it may just take time for you to adjust.
As we’ve already mentioned, love is a choice and it’s something we do for someone else.
By learning to ‘speak’ your partner’s primary love language you are learning something new, growing personally, making them happy and in turn this benefits you!
So it’s a WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN!
P.S. If you're 40 + single and want a relationship, you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
We’re starting soon and places are limited. The first 10 people to enrol will get a special rate in return for their feedback as founding members! If you want to join us on this life-changing 4 week course please get in touch by writing "First 10" in the message box here!
The Solo to Soulmate Program will also be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
Letting go of the past is a challenge, especially if you are like many of my clients; a high-achieving woman who has spent your life so far building a successful career, maybe nurturing others and you also will probably, (like most of us), have had your fair-share of disappointments, failed relationships and past rejections!
If you feel like your past is holding you back from finding the love you deserve, you are not alone. Many of us struggle with letting go of the past, especially when there is a potential risk of getting hurt again or not finding what we really want.
Why letting go is hard?
At 40+, the past isn’t just a collection of years; we have often been through many past experiences, memories, triumphs, and yes, heartbreaks.
Each past relationship leaves an imprint in our minds, shaping our expectations, fears, and desires.
Sometimes, we may cling to the past because it feels familiar and comfortable. We may fear that we won’t find someone who can match our standards or understand our needs.
We may worry that we are too old, too busy, or too set in our ways to start over.
Other times, we may avoid the past because it hurts too much. Especially if we have experienced toxic dynamics in past relationships or painful break-ups.
We may have unresolved issues, unhealed wounds, or unexpressed emotions that keep us stuck in a cycle of this emotional pain. This pain is often what holds us back from making changes!
We may blame ourselves or others for what went wrong. We may feel guilty, angry, or ashamed of our past choices.
Why is letting go of the past important?
Being ready to love again means making peace with the past. It’s about understanding that every experience has contributed to the incredible woman you’ve become.
The wisdom and strength garnered from past relationships are not chains binding you. The personal growth and awareness you will have gained will support you to know much more clearly, what it is you’re really looking for in a future relationship.
Letting go of the past means opening your heart to new possibilities. It’s about recognizing that you are worthy of love and happiness, no matter what your age, background, or status.
It’s about allowing yourself to be vulnerable, authentic, and hopeful in the face of uncertainty.
When you let go of the past, you create space for the present and the future. You free yourself from the baggage that weighs you down and the limits that hold you back.
You invite new opportunities, experiences, and people into your life. And this process will help you to truly welcome the possibility of new love into your life.
How to let go of the past in order to love again?
Letting go of the past is not a one-time event! It's sometimes a continuous process. It requires patience and compassion towards yourself, and a good dose of courage.
Here are five steps and some ideas for each one, that can help you along the way:
1) 🦋 Reflect: Take time to reflect on your past relationships without judgment. Understand that they were part of your journey. Appreciate the lessons learned, the growth achieved, and the memories cherished. Acknowledge the mistakes made, the challenges faced, and the losses suffered. Recognize the patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that may have influenced your past.
2) 🦋 Forgive: Forgiveness isn’t about condoning actions but freeing yourself from the burden of resentment. Forgive yourself for what you did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say, felt or didn’t feel. Forgive others for the same! Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or reconciling, but releasing and healing.
3) 🦋 Seek Support: You don’t have to go through this alone. Connect with friends, family, or other supportive people who can listen, empathize, and encourage you. Consider seeking professional help if you need guidance, advice, or therapy to navigate through complex emotions. Join a community, group, or online platform where you can meet and interact with other women who share your goals and challenges.
4) 🦋 Focus on Self-Love: Invest in self-care and embrace your worthiness of love. Treat yourself with kindness, respect, and generosity. Nurture your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Celebrate your achievements, talents, and qualities. Pursue your passions, hobbies, and interests. Do things that make you happy, fulfilled, and alive.
5) 🦋 Embrace Positivity: Surround yourself with positive influences as much as you can! Read books, watch videos, or listen to podcasts that inspire, motivate, and uplift you. Follow role models, mentors, or experts who can guide, teach, and empower you. You could create a vision board, journal, or playlist that reflects your dreams, values, and desires. Another idea is to find some positive mantras, statements, or quotes that reinforce your confidence, optimism, and faith.
Remember, you’re not starting over; you’re moving forward with grace, experience, wisdom, and courage. Every step taken is a closing the gap between who you were and who you are becoming—and you're getting closer to what you want with every step.
P.S. If you're 40 + single and are ready to find a relationship, you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
We’re starting soon and places are limited. The first 10 people to enrol will get a special rate in return for their feedback as founding members! If you want to join us on this life-changing 4 week course please get in touch by writing "First 10" in the message box here!
The Solo to Soulmate Program will be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
Dating Over 40!
Starting a new romantic journey after turning 40 means you've got a lot of experience and a better idea of what you want in a relationship. Even though the excitement of new love doesn't change with age, it's really important to set some rules early on to make sure your connection is healthy and makes you happy. Let's talk about some easy but really important rules for setting these boundaries when you're dating after 40.
Boundary Guidelines for Building Good Foundations
✅ Define Your Priorities:
At this stage in life, you likely have a better understanding of your priorities and deal-breakers. Take some time to reflect on what matters most to you in a relationship. Whether it's shared values, lifestyle choices, or future goals, having a clear idea of your priorities will guide you in setting boundaries that align with your needs.
✅ Communication is Key:
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Make it a point to express your thoughts and feelings clearly but respectfully. Encourage your partner to do the same. This sets the stage for a transparent connection where both parties feel heard and understood.
✅ Personal Space and Independence:
While building a connection is important, it's equally crucial to maintain a sense of personal space and independence. Be clear about your need for alone time or time spent with friends and family. Encourage your partner to do the same. This balance fosters a healthy dynamic where both partners can grow within the relationship.
✅ Navigate Past Baggage:
Life after 40 often comes with a history of past relationships and experiences. It's essential to navigate this baggage with sensitivity and understanding. Set boundaries around discussing past relationships, ensuring that conversations are constructive and focused on building your current connection rather than dwelling on the past.
✅ Intimacy and Physical Boundaries:
Physical intimacy is a significant aspect of any romantic relationship. Be open about your comfort levels and boundaries regarding physical affection. Establishing clear guidelines ensures that both partners feel respected and secure with what is comfortable for them.
✅ Time Management:
Balancing personal, professional, and romantic life can be challenging. Clearly communicate your schedule and commitments, and encourage your partner to do the same. This helps in managing expectations and prevents unnecessary misunderstandings.
✅ Financial Boundaries:
Money matters can be a sensitive topic. Be transparent about your financial expectations, whether it's splitting expenses, planning joint activities, or discussing long-term financial goals. Setting boundaries in this area helps avoid potential conflicts down the road.
Communicating and Setting Boundaries Builds Trust
When you decide on some simple and respectful rules early on, you're making a path for a relationship based on trust, talking openly, and really understanding each other. And don't forget, it's never too late to find love that is secure and makes you happy.
P.S. If you're 40 + single and want a relationship, you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
We’re starting in March and places are limited. The first 10 people to enrol will get a special rate in return for their feedback as founding members! If you want to join us on this life-changing 4 week course please get in touch by writing "First 10" in the message box here! The Solo to Soulmate Program will be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
