Toxic Relationships Can Leave You Feeling Broken!
Healing from a toxic relationship can be a challenging and emotional journey, for anyone. But because I mainly work with women, in this blog I will talk about the important parts of the healing process for single women.
If you are a single woman who has experienced a toxic relationship, and you're struggling right, now read on.
In this blog I'll talk about the steps to recovery, self-care practices, and valuable insights to help you move forward. While this path may not be easy, it's really important to focus on regaining your sense of self-worth, confidence, and emotional well-being, so that you can feel good in yourself. In my experience it is much better to take the time to heal and stay single for a while to do this, before moving into another relationship.
Here are Some Important Aspects of Healing from a Toxic Relationship:
Understanding Toxic Relationships:
As part of embarking on your healing journey, it's crucial to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships are those that cause emotional, psychological, or physical harm. They may involve manipulation, control, emotional or physical abuse, or other destructive behaviors. Acknowledging that you were in such a relationship is the first step towards healing. You need to get super-clear on what was wrong in the relationship. This awareness is crucial, because you want to make sure that you don't repeat the past. You also want to be able to develop some healthy boundaries and feel confident on what is right and what is not so that you can call out any bad behaviour (or just stay away from certain people) in the future!
Embrace Self-Compassion:
To heal, it's essential to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Understand that it's okay to feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and confusion. Self-compassion involves forgiving yourself for any perceived mistakes and giving yourself permission to heal at your own pace. Give yourself the opportunity to feel uncomfortable feelings and don't just push them away. I recommend doing a journalling practice to scribble down your thoughts and feelings. This allows you to acknowledge difficult emotions and process them and will also help you move through the stages of healing quicker in the long run! There is a saying that you need to 'feel to heal' and this is very true. Give yourself this opportunity.
Seek Support:
You don't have to go through the healing process alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance. Talking to someone who understands what you've been through can be incredibly therapeutic. Don't suffer in silence!
Establish Boundaries:
Toxic relationships often involve a lack of healthy boundaries. Part of the healing journey is learning to set and enforce boundaries. This may involve distancing yourself from the toxic person and establishing clear limits to protect your emotional well-being.
Rediscover Your Interests:
During a toxic relationship, you may have put your interests and hobbies on hold. Your partner may have belittled what is important to you and you may have let go of these parts of yourself. Now is the time to rediscover your passions and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. Reconnecting with your interests can help you regain a sense of self and independence.
Practice Self-Care:
Self-care is an essential aspect of healing. Looking after you whilst you heal, includes getting enough rest, maintaining a healthy diet, exercising, all the basics! You could also try some relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing, and as I mentioned previously, a journalling practice can also be part of your self-care! All of these things can help. Prioritizing self-care helps you rebuild your physical and emotional strength.
Set Realistic Expectations:
Healing takes time! It's important to have realistic expectations about the healing process. There will be good days and bad days. Progress may be slow, but that's okay. Celebrate small victories, and don't be too hard on yourself during setbacks.
Focus on Personal Growth:
Learn the lessons! To truly heal, consider the toxic relationship as a learning experience. Reflect on the lessons you've gained and how they can contribute to your personal growth. This shift in perspective can help you move forward with newfound wisdom and strength. Gaining awareness of past patterns that could've contributed to the toxic dynamics in that relationship will help you to look out for the red flags in future too.
Rebuilding Trust:
Trust, especially in yourself, can be severely damaged by a toxic relationship. It's essential to work on rebuilding trust over time. Start by connecting to and trusting your own judgment and intuition. As you regain trust in yourself, it becomes easier to trust others. And you will also be able to build some healthy boundaries when you truly listen to yourself and what you need.
Lastly, Just Know That You Can Heal!
Healing from a toxic relationship is a process that takes time and effort. It's important to remember that you are not defined by your past, and you have the strength to create a healthier and happier future. By embracing self-compassion, seeking support, and focusing on personal growth, you can fully put yourself on the journey towards emotional recovery and well-being as a single woman. Remember, you deserve love, respect, and happiness in your relationships, and the healing journey is a crucial step in achieving that.
P.S. If you're 40 + single and are ready to find a relationship, you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
We’re starting soon and places are limited. The first 10 people to enrol will get a special rate in return for their feedback as founding members! If you want to join us on this life-changing 4 week course please get in touch by writing "First 10" in the message box here!
The Solo to Soulmate Program will be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
What Does It Mean to Get Triggered in a Relationship?
Being triggered in a relationship refers to a strong emotional reaction to something your partner says or does, which often feels disproportionate to the situation. These emotional reactions are typically linked to past experiences, traumas, or unresolved issues. When you're triggered, you might feel angry, hurt, defensive, or any other intense emotion, and it can lead to arguments, misunderstandings, and relationship strain.
Why Does It Happen?
Triggers are nearly always coming from the past and often from unresolved trauma or unmet needs. Relationships often bring these issues to the surface as past experiences of pain, betrayal, or rejection can resurface when a current situation resembles them in some way. Poor communication or just not knowing your partner and the intricate emotional world beneath the surface of all of us as humans 😍, can lead to misunderstandings and trigger emotional responses. When you and your partner are not on the same page, it's easier to react strongly to something that they say or do that hurts you. These actions are often not done with an intention upset you.
10 Examples of Triggers in Real-Life Relationship Scenarios
Here are some examples of actual triggering situations that come up in relationships (names are purely fictional):
Abandonment: Example: Emma becomes deeply anxious when her partner, Mark, goes on business trips. She fears being left alone and disconnected from him due to past experiences of her father's frequent absence during her childhood.
Infidelity: Example: Michael, who was cheated on in a previous relationship, becomes triggered when he discovers that his current partner, Sarah, has been texting a coworker frequently. He immediately becomes suspicious and confrontational.
Insecurity: Example: Jane, who has struggled with body image issues, gets triggered when her boyfriend, Chris, compliments another person's appearance. She interprets this as a sign that he finds her unattractive.
Criticism: Example: David grew up in a household where his parents constantly criticized him. When his girlfriend, Lisa, offers constructive feedback about a project he's working on, he takes it as a personal attack and responds defensively.
Control: Example: Sarah, who was in a controlling relationship before, feels triggered when her current partner, Alex, expresses concern about her safety when she goes out with friends. She interprets his concern as an attempt to control her.
Neglect: Example: Ryan feels neglected when his girlfriend, Megan, prioritizes her work over their relationship. He becomes emotional and accuses her of not caring about their connection, bringing up past experiences of feeling neglected in relationships.
Loss or Grief: Example: On the anniversary of her father's passing, Emily becomes deeply triggered and emotional, leading her to be distant from her partner, Max, who struggles to understand her grief.
Financial Stress: Example: Lisa and Tom argue frequently about money. Lisa, who grew up in a financially unstable household, becomes triggered when Tom suggests investing in a risky business venture.
Family of Origin Issues: Example: Mark's unresolved family conflicts with his parents resurface when he and his wife, Jessica, plan a family vacation, leading to tension and arguments.
Attachment Style: Example: Sarah, who has an anxious attachment style, becomes triggered by her partner's need for personal space. When he asks for time alone, she feels rejected and abandoned, even though he reassures her of his love and commitment.
These examples illustrate how personal triggers can affect individuals in various ways, leading to emotional reactions and conflicts within their relationships. Recognizing and addressing these triggers is essential for fostering healthier and more understanding partnerships.
What to Do When You Get Triggered
Pause and Reflect: When you feel triggered, take a step back and give yourself some time to reflect on what's happening. Ask yourself if your reaction is proportionate to the situation or if it's connected to past experiences.
Identify the Trigger: Try to pinpoint the specific words or actions that triggered you. Understanding the trigger helps you and your partner work through it.
Communicate with Your Partner: Open and honest communication is key. Share your feelings with your partner, but avoid blaming or accusing. Use "I" statements to express your emotions and needs.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that everyone has triggers. It's okay to feel the way you do. Self-compassion can help you approach the issue with a more level head.
Seek Support: Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore your triggers, understand their origins, and develop healthy coping strategies.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, can help you stay present in the moment and reduce the intensity of your emotional reactions.
Work on Self-Awareness: Developing self-awareness is crucial. The more you understand your triggers and the underlying reasons for your reactions, the better you can manage and heal from them.
Be Patient: Healing from triggers takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work through these challenges together.
Why It's Important to Address Triggers
Ignoring triggers or allowing them to fester can lead to increased tension and distance in the relationship. Unaddressed triggers can also erode trust and intimacy over time. By working together to address triggers, you and your partner can strengthen your relationship and create a deeper level of trust, understanding and support.
Ultimately knowing and dealing with your own triggers and seeking to understand your partner's, will build and nurture a stronger and more loving relationship for you both!
P.S. If you're 40 + single and are ready to find a relationship, you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
We’re starting soon and places are limited. The first 10 people to enrol will get a special rate in return for their feedback as founding members! If you want to join us on this life-changing 4 week course please get in touch by writing "First 10" in the message box here!
The Solo to Soulmate Program will also be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
Relationships Are Not Always Easy
A healthy and loving relationship with a partner is what most of us really want, but the journey to being really happy and thriving in a relationship can be tricky for many of us! Often what happened when we were young can still affect our happiness in our adult relationships.
In this blog, I’ll talk about some ways your childhood might be stopping you from being happy in love today. And I’ll share the steps we all can take to process and heal from this.
How We Project Our Past Onto a Current Relationship
In the different stages of a relationship, we often project our unresolved childhood issues onto our partners. For example, we might unconsciously seek validation or try to heal our childhood wounds through our relationship. This underlying, largely unconscious driving force can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and unmet expectations.
We can get really frustrated and triggered when our needs are not met by our partner! This is when many relationships get challenging and is the stage of a relationship that I call the ‘power struggle’ stage. This is when we get very disillusioned in our relationship, especially if we’re not aware of what’s going on under the surface of our emotions.
The Alternative to the Power Struggle Stage: Developing a Conscious Relationship
There is another way though, and that’s to cultivate a conscious relationship. This means that each partner takes responsibility for healing their own past wounds and taking care of themselves in this way.
In a conscious relationship each person knows that it is their own ‘job’ to make themselves happy and to nurture both themselves, their partner AND the relationship. In order to achieve this balance in a relationship, we first need to become aware of what might be blocking us.
Some Ways Your Childhood Could Be Holding You Back
✅ Parental Wounds
Our first point of contact with love is usually through our parents or caregivers. If our childhood experiences were marked by neglect, abuse, or inconsistent love, it can leave deep emotional wounds that affect our adult relationships. These wounds can manifest as trust issues, fear of abandonment, or difficulty in forming healthy attachments. Recognizing these wounds is the first step in healing them.
✅ The Effect of Not Feeling "Enough" on Self-Esteem
Childhood experiences that make us feel inadequate or unworthy can severely damage our self-esteem. When we don't believe in our own worth, it's challenging to attract and maintain a healthy, loving relationship. Low self-esteem can lead us to settle for less than we deserve or tolerate unhealthy behaviors from a partner.
✅ How Low Self-Esteem Affects Our Expectations in Adult Relationships
Low self-esteem not only affects how we view ourselves but also how we perceive what we deserve in a relationship. We might find ourselves accepting less love, respect, or kindness than we should, simply because we don't believe we deserve more. It's essential to raise our self-esteem and set healthy boundaries to break this cycle.
✅ Limiting Beliefs About Relationships
Our childhood experiences can shape our beliefs about love and relationships. If we witnessed unhealthy relationships or experienced toxic dynamics, we may carry these beliefs into adulthood. These limiting beliefs can hinder our ability to form and maintain healthy, fulfilling relationships. Identifying and challenging these beliefs is crucial for personal growth.
✅ Accepting Unworthy Treatment
When we don't feel worthy of love, we may tolerate mistreatment or stay in unhealthy relationships far longer than we should. We may cling to the hope that someone will validate our worth, even if it means enduring pain and unhappiness. It's essential to recognize when we're settling for less and have the courage to walk away from toxic relationships.
How to Heal Childhood Wounds & Move On
We can process and heal our childhoods in order to see the past as the past and be able to cultivate healthy relationships (first our own relationship with self and then external relationships with others).
Steps to Heal Old Wounds in Order to be Happier Now
Self-Awareness: The first step towards healing is self-awareness. Reflect on your childhood experiences and how they might be affecting your current relationships. Recognize any patterns or triggers.
Set Boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. This includes asserting your needs, expressing your feelings, and recognizing when a relationship is no longer serving your well-being.
Self-Love and Self-Care: Cultivate self-love and practice self-care. Building self-esteem involves treating yourself with kindness, acknowledging your worth, and investing in your own happiness.
Communication: Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. Share your feelings, fears, and aspirations. Together, you can work through challenges and grow as a couple.
Seek Professional Help: A therapist or coach can provide valuable guidance and support in addressing childhood wounds, self-esteem issues, and limiting beliefs. They can help you develop healthy coping strategies.
🦋 To sum up, while our childhood experiences can impact our adult relationships, they don't have to define them. By becoming aware and addressing childhood wounds, building self-esteem, challenging limiting beliefs, and practicing self-love, it is possible to create the loving, fulfilling relationships we deserve.
Remember, it's never too late to do this inner work to heal and find happiness in love. Some people never do the work and experience the same problems and patterns again and again throughout their lives. So whatever age you are just know that you can tackle this and heal.
In my own work I utilize Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) to help people process and heal from childhood wounds. For more info about RTT go here! 🌞 ✅
RTT is included in my Healthy Relationship Formula Program. Read more here!
